How the Grinch Stole Scouting

All the Scouts down in Scoutville
Liked Scouting a lot
The Grinch north of Scoutville
Most certainly did not

It could be fishing in Many Point Lake
Or juicy peach cobbler made ready to bake
It might be training or any old reason
He hated Scouting no matter the season
He hated lashing with neat tidy frappings
When push came to shove he’d rather be napping

Yet festering inside was what Grinch hated most
Advancement and badges or an Eagle to boast
He hated the songs and the yells and the skits
But advancement, he scowled, was always the pits
A shiny new badge on a crispy, clean shirt
Would only look better with a huge smear of dirt

”They’re doing their planning,” Grinch said with a sneer.
”A PLC meeting. BAH! I’ll never go near.
”Oh, they’ll choose between camping and cost.
”At the end of it all their ranks will be lost.”
For tomorrow he knew
All these flag-waving souls would follow their Scoutmaster
Wherever he goes

”I’ll stop them. I must.
”No Follow Me Boys!
”By the time I am through there will be empty Scout joys.”

All the Scouts big and small, on foot or on bike
Strode or rode with their leaders on a short five-mile hike
Birds they would watch and plants they would pick
He hoped the wrong ones
So they’d get good and sick
A Good Turn on the trail
With pristine wild all around
The thought of their laughter, a sickening sound
And then they’d come home to a roaring hot fire
Advancement, he knew, was their utmost desire

Grinch needed a plan
”I’ve got it. Advancement must go!”
He had to act quickly so no one would know
”What I need are some partials.”
None were to be found for they were safely guarded
He’d still look around

”I’ll make my own partials, all exactly the same.”
This, Grinch knew, was the end of their game
He mailed them to council (postage-due), by Express
Fake mountains of paper caused much undo stress
Applications, you see
Filled complete head-to-toe
Were the key to advancement
For every Scout soul

Grinch was obsessed with his mounting disaster
Further tainting the process
Fueling it faster and faster

”I simply can’t stand it!” said Grinch, with a sneer.
”Those Scouts in attendance, their mugs laced
”With fear.
”Awards they’ll expect, and none will be found.”
The Grinch was ecstatic
He’d sleep safe and sound

The day had arrived
He sneaked off to their meeting
To see if the leaders truly were leading
He sat in the rear behind parents and friends
Patiently waiting for the closing to end

But wait, what was that on the table
A prize awarded for cutting a tree down to size
Beside it, another for saving a life
Where was the grief
Where was the strife

Grinch was livid
His plan had been spoiled
Badges were given for boys who had toiled
Scout Spirit was present
It hadn’t been lost, not even a smidgeon
Despite all his cost
Scouts advanced and had fun
All the while singing Vespers
Nothing further to say and tucked in for the night
Taps ended their day

And the Grinch?

He moved to Fargo
Far, far away